the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
