If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
