I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They took my balls.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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