I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
