I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
