R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
