I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
