Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
