When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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