Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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