I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
