WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
