i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
