I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
