Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
