there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
