Who did Billy Mays play for?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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