we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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