After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
