I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize