dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
