just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
