He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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