so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize