How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
