Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You are a genius and a whore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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