I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
