So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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