I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
