batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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