What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
