And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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