Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
