the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
