We won't sleep together?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize