im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
