I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Text me some of your sweat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
