My Higher Power is John Stamos
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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