I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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