You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
