holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
