she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
