I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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