are you still at the devil's house?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
