Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
