His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
