i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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