Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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