Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize