I look better un-naked...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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