oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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