Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
