wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
