Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
