just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
