You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize