Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i will never coherently bang her
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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