she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
