Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
