also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
