Will you blow on my dice?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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