i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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