babies were throwing up all over the place
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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