If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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