I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
