you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize