Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Even the bartender felt bad for me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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