Having a random hookup so left but love u
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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