You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
