you win again, gameday.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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